All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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