Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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