I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
