wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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