just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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