i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
