i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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