Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
