your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize