oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
