I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
