Quick, to the slutcave!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
