I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
