nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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