the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
