Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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