Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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