Ketchup is God's man juice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How does one acquire holy water?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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