i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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