You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
