I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
