Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
