Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
