Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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