just come out here and I will go home with you...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
