that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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