my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
