I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
