we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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