I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
