I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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