toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
