OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
