I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
