P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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