I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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