I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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