JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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