dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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