I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize