I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
