The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
