Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
