i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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