It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
