well I can't set my house on fire every night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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