i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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