apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize