his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
