im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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