You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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