I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
