8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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