based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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