There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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