Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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