Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
