I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
