I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
