I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize