I'm really into asian looking animals
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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