you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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