All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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