now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
