You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
