The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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