you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
