Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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