census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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