You made me cry and you don't even care
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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